When a relationship gets abusive it is time to get out. There really is no two ways about it; even if it all started sweet, or we can still see sides of our partner that we love, a damaging relationship should never be held on to. It might hurt to let go, but we cannot stay with an abusive partner; we deserve better than that.
Recognize Abuse
The first step to getting out of an abusive relationship, is to recognize the abuse. Physical abuse is the most obvious because we can see the scars in the mirror, and other people can see them to. It is the most direct form of abuse and It shouldn’t be stood for. Emotional and psychological abuse can be equally as tormenting, even though they can be less direct and obvious. We all take digs at each other every now and again, press each other’s buttons, and spark each other’s emotions. Abuse goes deeper than that, and constantly attacks and belittles. It makes us feel weak and disrespected.
Abuse, especially coming from a “loved one,” can be hard to accept when it happens. Someone who may claim to love us, and who we have feelings for, is the last person we would want to cause us this pain. This is all the more reason not to stand for it. Abuse, on any level, be it emotional, psychological, or physical, should not be tolerated. It is not love, and it is not the meaning of a relationship, despite what our attachment can trick us into thinking.
Love Can Be Blind
We must understand that love can be blind. What this really means is that we can mistake attachment for love, where the latter is related to happiness, and the former to our fear of being alone. We can become attached to our abuser, and this can make it difficult to walk away. We might see nice sides, kind gestures from our partner, but still the underlying abuse continues. You can have all of these nice sides in someone who does not abuse you; you can walk away. You deserve more than abuse.
In order to walk away we must know that we are valuable. We can feel weak from abuse; it can attack our self esteem and make us feel worthless. We are not worthless. None of us. We are all beautiful, and powerful, and it is only the abuse that has made us feel like this. Know that you are worth something. Respect and love yourself. Remember the times before the abusive relationship, when you were free from it, when you could be yourself. You might not have been radiantly happy back then either, but at least you were not giving yourself to someone who has no respect for you. Love yourself and know your unique value as a beautiful human being. You must be strong now, and find your self-worth.
Communicate to Other’s
An abusive relationship can make us feel alone. We can feel isolated from our friends and family, often through fear. Part of the abuse might be someone telling you not to have contact with loved ones; it is part of the control. Break the control, and get out of the abuse, by talking to friends and family. Get in touch with anyone, someone to talk to. Let it all out. It might be scary, and upsetting, but you cannot keep it a secret anymore. The abuser knows this and tries to scare you into keeping it hidden. Get it out in the open and console in loved ones.
If there is someone who you think can help you very directly then ask them. Remember, the abuse you are experiencing is undeserved, and sick. People will want to help because they will understand the pain, and they will see the severity of the situation. If someone can offer you a bed, even for a week while you find your feet, then ask them, and be open about your reasons for asking.
It is also possible to talk to helplines, charities, and social services about domestic abuse.
Walk Away
The most important component to get out of an abusive relationship is to walk away. Everything else in this article is a prelude. It is only fear that has stopped you from doing it before. Even if you thought it was love it was only fear. Difficult as it may be you have to walk away now. If you have found a friends to crash at, then great, if not consider renting a place of your own if you live with the abuser. If you don’t live together then explain that you are leaving them because of their abuse, and cut off contact. It is crucial to walk away, the sooner the better, and preferably now.
Stay Away
After you have walked away the next challenge is to stay away. This can be equally challenging. The abuser might ring you and tell you that they have “changed” and are “different now.” Do not fall for their tricks. Think about how many chances they have had to change before this point. They are only acting nice now because they fear they have lost control. Remember you have heard it all before. Enjoy the new found freedom of living without abuse. You deserve better than that!
