As I type this, I am sitting in a coffee shop enjoying some organic coffee and a home made pastry. Since I work from home for myself, I try to make a point of coming here a few times a week to escape the house and to talk to other humans (The cat gets tired of my witty banter). While I am sitting here working, I keep getting distracted by the customers that come and go in such a hurry – where are they going? Why are they late? What’s the rush? One has to wonder what each person is doing today, but I know what they are feeling – that was me not so long ago.
Sure, I left the rat race about 2.5 years ago to strike out on my own. I have not worked “for the man” since then, and to be honest it would be hard to go back to doing so. I get up when I want, I make my own work hours, and I take time off when I feel that I need it. Most afternoons you would find me hiking out in the woods or by the gorge; it’s one big advantage to working for myself that I have the time to do so. But throughout most of this time, I have always felt that I should be doing “more” with my time. Even when I was out hiking or whatever, I felt as though I was wasting time and that I should be spending my time on more important things. What they were I could not even begin to tell you. But something in my mind kept nagging me to do “more” with my time…even when I could not come up with something to do. It was like a tape being played 24/7 – “you are wasting your time!” or “shouldn’t you be doing something constructive?” or “is this really how you want to be spending your free time?”. This was a constant battle with myself and one that I am only just recently learning to counteract and fight back against.
After talking to a therapist about these things, I realized that I was, in fact, wasting my time thinking about wasting my time. Makes sense, right? Whatever I was doing at that moment was life itself…only focusing on what I would do next or what I should be doing instead left me feeling rather empty and depressed all the time. I never really knew why I felt that way, but it was because I was constantly letting myself down by not living in the moment. I would go siteseeing and be in a hurry to see the next site. I would go to watch the sunset and last about 2.5 minutes before I was bored and wondering what to do next. The list went on and one…I was always thinking I was not doing enough. This madness had to stop.
And it has…slowly. I am learning to meditate. I am learning to just “be” more often, as I mentioned in my post “A Cup Of Coffee And A Window“. I am doing breathing exercises. When I go for a walk, I listen to my feet crunch in the snow or the birds flying overhead. This is a big, huge, giant change for me. Instead of rushing through my walk, rushing through some woodworking project to get finished, or skimming a book to get to the end, I am starting to enjoy the slowness of my every day life. (This post itself is taking a long time, as I keep taking breaks to look out the window of the coffee shop) I have a long way to go, because I still do feel that old “hurry up and get stuff done” mentality creeping up, but I fight the urge now instead of just giving in like I usually would. I am more conscientious of my body, my mind, my actions, and my words. I am finding that it’s just not necessary to feel like I am not doing enough…I am doing what I need to do right now. And that alone has changed my life for the better. It’s amazing what you see when you take the time to slow down.
I am a stay at home mom with two amazing little girls. For the longest time I also felt like I was not doing enough. If I was playing with my kids I would be thinking about all the laundry and dishes that needed to be done. I felt like just sitting and enjoying myself was a waste of time. I think part of it came from other people saying that my house was neat and clean because I was home all day to do it. I finally realized one day that being with my kids and enjoying myself was just as important as all the other things I had to do. I have now learned to schedule things in and be very flexible about what has to get done and be much easier on myself when things don’t get done. I want to enjoy life and my kids not rush through it.
That’s great Laurie, I wish more people would see the value in that!
When my children were younger, I confessed to an older lady I often felt guilty for taking a short nap before they returned from school. Without hesitation she said: Whatever it takes to make you a better parent should not make you feel guilty.
I now apply that concept to my ‘away from home’ job. There are times I need to stop and regroup to become a better employee. I think all of us could use this concept in our lives.
We need to bring back the siesta in the middle of the day. Of course, I work for myself at home so I tend to take advantage sometimes. 🙂
wow. you’ve described me. i worry…a lot. there is always something i should be doing, so i sit and stew and worry about what i should be doing. i waste time worrying instead of doing. i make lists instead of doing. i have a hard time focusing on the task at hand because i’m thinking about what i should be doing. i tell myself that its because i’m currently in school…that one day i won’t have to worry. but i’m slowly starting to realize that all i’m doing is wasting time worrying and not living. thank you for such a thought provoking post. i needed that.
This is really inspiring….thanks a million!
Fiew! Finaly someone who is like me! I feel this way too and I cry every once in a while (well as soon as I have one full day of NOTHING to do) on how useless my day was. Thank you for posting this! I feel better already!
Thanks for this article. I know it was over a year ago, but I just came across it.
I have just spent the last week on vacation at home and I thought the torture would stop. I always have this feeling that I should be doing something else even if that something is the thing I last felt like I should be doing. It’s not the “something else with my life” thing entirely, although I have that too, but it’s specific things and I’m getting no contentment from this. Granted, I do ignore some of the things which I know build up within me.
Even though I’ve had a nice time off, I’m feeling awful right now, like it will be forever before I have the chance again. I so wish I could work out of the home as you do – Any tips? I can live easily on $350 a week. Sorry to vent, I just needed it.
thats really interesting. also a lot of the time when I think I should be doing something its because I get something I want out of it. But its like its miserable until you get what you want. I try hard everyday not to want, want, want and its pretty hard for me. learning to take life slow is ++. Just going for the stuff you want, thinking you should be getting ahead, and being bored with most your time is, like you said, in itself a waist. I hope someday to get a job that I like, just like you that I can work my own hours and take a break when I feel needed. Life would seem a lot easier and I would have alot more excitment if I made my own responsibilities and put reasons behind the things I do. Sometimes I have this problem with money, thinking that I should always have it.
Thanks
This is a great article. I just typed something into Google along the lines of ‘why do I always think I should be doing something else?’ and this came up. In the process of reading it I should have added to the end of my question ‘when I’m having a good time’ because that, I think, just about sums it up! I love your point about wasting time whilst thinking about wasting time. An excellent pice of work. Thanks
Great post. I think I have taken this to the next level: I always think I need to finish something first, but neither do I know what, NOR DO I DO ANYTHING ELSE. I function fine at work, in fact I love my job. But, whenever I’m at home alone, this mode kicks in. I’d like to go in the woods or meet people or wander around town or email an old friend or work out some issue I’m having, but unless I really force myself to it I end up doing nothing. I literally mean nothing, not even watching tv or so.
Feel like I should be doing something entirely different with my life and I’m not sure what………….
Are we looking from the wrong perspective? Its not where we are and what we’re doing wrong but where the mind is. Is my mind in the moment, Mine isn’t for the most part.
That is what I took from this thankyou.,
regards Recently struggling with anxiety
I just googled “why do I feel the need to be doing something” and this page came up. I retired a year ago and have struggled ever since with the feeling that I need to be “doing something” important. I have no idea what but the feeling nags at me and I get quite depressed. But this article really spoke to me especially what you said about wasting time worrying about wasting time. After all what is retirement for?
Amazing article. I have had this feeling of not doing enough from long long ago. That ruied my career as I kept worrying doing nothing.
I guess at times you should just leave it to time.. Live in the moment. Stop seeing world as a problem for you to solve..
See life in slow motion.. Live every moment .. for yourself fisrt…
I have been feeling like I should be doing something almost all the time. Let me sum it up for you. I care for my teens which are 12 and 15 they are semi independent. I cook, clean, mostly the disciplinary, run errands, taxi, pay the bills, paperwork, shopping, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, I babysit 20 hours a month, go to school full time, volunteer, workout for my own health and try to get in any other hobbies I enjoy, plus my family. I’m sure you get the drift. I still feel like I’m not doing enough ughhh! Now that I have read this, it makes me better understand that I need to stop and relax that everything is going to be okay. To smell the roses. Thanks!
I’ve been feeling exactly this! I have lot’s of things I feel like I should be doing constantly yet I never feel like I’ve done/do anything to satisfaction and any time just relaxing feels like such a waste of time yet whenever I do something I always feel dissatisfied and rush through it – will definitely follow this plan; thank you 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m lucky enough to not need to work, and have been for a few years. At first, I traveled and indulged myself in exploring any interest that wafted my way. Then that started to grow dull. I realized I was trying to cram all of these things into my day, my week, my month, my year– trying to keep busy enough to feel I had “accomplished” something. Now I’m starting to slow down, but it’s super difficult. I find myself inventing things to do, some part of me acting as if they are urgent things that must be taken care of right this second. But If I breathe for a minute and really think about it, they’re not essential to the moment I am in. I feel like this sort of anxiety, of living with one toe dipped in the future, is almost a hallmark of culture.