Good friends are hard to find, and very often we socialize in groups larger than that of our closest companions. This is fine, and it makes for more fun, and invigoration. At larger gatherings we get the opportunity to get points of view outside of our immediate circle. Sometimes new friends are born from hanging around with a crowd, whether it be work mates, or a group of a friend. That is unless you find yourself hanging around with the wrong crowd.
When you find yourself hanging around with the wrong crowd it doesn’t bring more fun, more growth, or more friends. On the contrary it can lead to confusion, damage to self esteem, and it can be an almighty great big waste of time. Here are 6 signs that you need to move circles, and are associating with a crowd that does not suit you, stimulate you, or meet your needs as an individual.
The activities they do don’t interest you
Not all friends share interests in the same activities. In fact many of my close friends have careers, hobbies, and interests that I do not share at all. However, in a group situation there are often common factors that unite the group. If you look closely you will see that many social groups were born of a certain interest. They may watch football together, dancing perhaps, or drink and go out together, as is exceptionally common.
This is normal human socializing, and is the reason why people often go round to each other’s houses for a cup of tea, or for some food, or for a glass of wine, or to watch the latest horror movie. Shared interests bring people together, and if you share none at all with a group, especially if it is a primary focus of how they socialize, then it may be a sign that you are with the wrong crowd; not always, but sometimes. Be aware of the level of boredom you experience with a group, and whether it is possible to socialize with them, without the presence of drink for example.
You don’t feel comfortable around them
Nearly everyone feels uncomfortable around a new group of people. It can be intimidating not knowing anyone, and having to meet new faces for the first time. After a while though, we usually find that our time spent with the group makes both us and them more comfortable with each other. If this never happens with a group, then it is unlikely that they are the right crowd for us. In fact it is one of the surest signs that they are not right. Listen to that inner feeling. If discomfort is prevalent, even after relationships should have been forged, then the group is not for you.
Their values don’t match your own
Very often we have to accept differences in other people values. It is important not to judge, and to only offer our values to people gently, if we believe they are acting or thinking from an unhealthy moralistic viewpoint. Whilst this is the case for minor dilemmas, it would be very unhealthy to hang around in a crowd that constantly caused high levels of moral dissonance. When our morals are shunned consistently, merely through being around a certain crowd, then we are surely in the wrong place. The extremes of this are when we are forced into taking part in damaging activities, or being harmful to others, in which case the ties should be broken immediately.
You don’t feel stimulated
Everybody requires stimulation, and this differs from person to person whether it be intellectual, partying, creative, or humorous. Socializing is like a playing field where different personalities get together to express their traits to each other. If you find the group is providing very little stimulation, in whichever form you require, and furthermore that you are unable to provide them with the stimulation that they so desire, then it is likely you are hanging around with the wrong crowd.
You feel unwanted or undervalued
Feeling uncomfortable is one thing, but feeling downright unwanted or undervalued is another, especially if you feel you have managed to express yourself to the group and still feel a lack of worth. Feeling unwanted or undervalued can be damaging for self esteem and is not what socializing should bring. It can be scary to walk away and find another crowd, but sometimes it has to be done.
You feel Negative
If you are hanging around with the wrong crowd then consider jumping ship. Be realistic. Maybe you’re not going to be best friends with everyone in a group, and maybe you do only really see your workmates when you have a drink after work. Sometimes you may even dislike certain individuals in the group. This is all fine as long as you do not feel like the crowd you hang around with have a negative impact on your life. If they do then it is time to find some new friends who would thrive off you, and who would bring you joy.